I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
