I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
nutella sex= disaster
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
