went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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