Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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