I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
