he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
