You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
