addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
