im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
