I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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