I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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