STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
