I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
