I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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