my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
