My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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