note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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