at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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