i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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