Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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