Already got asked if we're dating
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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