I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
