also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
