Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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