This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
