So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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