we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
