i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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