You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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