My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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