your room smells of hookers.
And success
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
