True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize