well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
