Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
