The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
