dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize