Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
