So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
