If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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