i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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