his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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