All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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