At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
