I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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