I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
