I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
