His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
