somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
