It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
