I got chris browned last night
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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