Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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