allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
