The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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