So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
