Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Randomize
