Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
