Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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