I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
