Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
