fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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