Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He has the fingertips of a God
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
