i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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