We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize