Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
