She is in my trunk
i barfeds in our rink
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
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