Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize