I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
