Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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