I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
